Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
