just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
