The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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