I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize