8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
