I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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