Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
