So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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