Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
