Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Soap is not a condiment
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
