Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
