Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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