Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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