Say something about gay babies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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