Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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