there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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