Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
