Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
