please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
