In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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