Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
