Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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