saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
