I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
