Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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