You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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