Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He has the fingertips of a God
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
