I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
