it hurts more in the daytime
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
