He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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