i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
