My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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