I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
