His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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