Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
