This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
