peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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