I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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