i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
