If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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