dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
