I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
