Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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