my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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