What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
