I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
