You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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