Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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