I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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