you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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