If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
