I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
