No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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