This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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