McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
