I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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