Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
