A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
