I want to walk on stilts...naked
im six kinds of drunk right now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
