WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
