i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
