Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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