you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
