I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
