I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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