Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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