he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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