My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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